Ever wondered how your views on marriage and relationships will change in the course of your life? Here, Pauline, 98, a retired mother of two, shares her experience and gives pieces of advice on relations between genders. She lives in Florida, U.S., but grew up in New York. She married in 1923, 1941, and 1959, and is presently divorsed.
On having boyfriends while growing up: I never had boyfriend trouble. I always had plenty of guys. Always.
On her second marriage: Someone fixed me up. He was the cheapest bastard that ever lived. So I divorced him, too. I'm telling you a very intimate thing here… His ding-dong was very small. So he went for an operation and they made it bigger. But I still couldn't stay married to him. He was too cheap!
On her third marriage: Then I married Bill Simmons. He was quite a man, I'm telling you. He was terrific. Very bright. And he was mad about me. We had a wonderful time. But he died, and I haven't been married since. Although I did have a lover. One special man.
On her lover: He was married! His daughter was married to my brother. He was in the ready-to-wear business. He was one of the big shots when they started making t-shirts. We went together for years.
Which one, of her three husbands and three lovers, she was the most mad about: My lover. An affair is very different than a marriage because you can break it off at anytime. And this man made life very exciting. It was never dull around him. I like when a man has money and he can take me places and buy me things. All women do. Don't let anybody tell you differently, okay? If he would buy his wife a present, he would buy me a better one. He once bought her a diamond heart, and the next day he brought me a gorgeous diamond bracelet, very expensive. You see what I'm telling you? Tit for tat. Nothing was too good for me.
Advice: We need to make our marriages more like affairs. Then it becomes exciting!
On her lover's relationship with his wife: He never got along with his wife. I shouldn't say never—what do I know? Her family had money, they were in the fish business. He didn't come from money, and I think that's why he married her. But he was always running around.
I'll tell you a story. They used to have a summer place up in Maine. One day, they were on their way up there and they stopped by my work—I worked in a shoe factory at the time. And she came into my office and said, "Would you please come with us?" And I said, "Hell no. What am I going up there for?" And she said, "Because he's miserable without you." I'll never forget that. So, I went.
She knew. But she couldn't do anything about it. She was a nice lady, but she wasn't a pretty lady. And she wasn't an exciting lady. But they stayed married until he died. I'm sure he had many women in his life besides me.
Oh, when something belongs to me, I want it. But I knew I could never marry him because my whole family would be involved. And that wouldn't be good at all. My father, he used to say to me: "Are you happy?" And I'd say: "Yeah." And he'd say: "Good, stay that way—it's better than being unhappy."
On having many lovers and cheating: Well, I wouldn't want my daughter to do it. If she was unhappy, I would want her to get a divorce and meet a nice guy. And she did! Her second husband is a wonderful guy. He's just mad about her. And she likes him, too. I don't know how much she loves him, but I know he's very good to her.
What made her third marriage so good: First of all, you have to be sexually compatible. That's very important. If anyone tells you different, they're nuts. And he was extravagant; he liked living the way I did. We used to dance, which I love to do. We used to drink, have a few cocktails. And he had a lot of friends. I met them all. They were all cheaters. Most men are cheaters—you know that, don't you? I could meet a cheater tomorrow if I wanted to. But I've had enough men. I'm 98 years old, what the hell do I want a man for? What can I give him? What can he give me? Nothing.
Advice to a couple that's been married for ten years and is looking to spice up their sex life: First of all, a man mustn't be selfish. He's had his orgasm, he's got to make sure she's had hers, too. But it's very hard to spice things up after ten years. If you haven't got that feeling, and he hasn't got that feeling, get a divorce. It's the only way. You're better off alone. Because when you live with someone that doesn't make you happy, it's miserable. It's worse than being alone.
Why it's unrealistic that one could be happy with the same person for 50, 60 years: You get used to each other. And as you get older, you're not looking for the same things anymore. I don't like to be bored with life. You've got to have a lot of passion and you've got to have a lot of feeling. Without feeling, there's nothing, it's just an act—and that's no good. You have to have that urge. And you both have to have it. You don't say, "We're going to have sex on Monday." No. Be spontaneous!
On why love dies: One of you drifts away. You have to have a lot in common to stay married. If he wants to go dancing and you don't want to go, well, that's okay occasionally, but don't do it every night because you can be sure that he'll find someone else to dance with. Even drinking. Some men like to go to a bar and have a few drinks. So they meet people at the bar. And before you know it, they're involved a little bit. That's the way it is. You need to do things together.
On importance of compromise: You have to give all of yourself to make the other person happy. But you have to make it so that you each want to give that much. Otherwise it's no good. That's part of living together—teaching each other things.
On how the world has changed: Right, the world today is completely different because the women are successful. A lot of women are more successful than their husbands. And that's not necessarily good for marriage. It's wonderful for women, of course, but if they become more successful than their husbands, it can be bad because then the man loses respect for himself. And then the husband becomes the pussycat—and that's no good. That's just my opinion. I could be wrong. I've been wrong plenty of times in my life.
On men these days: I think men are much more interested in the way they look. Much more. I think they dress differently than they used to. They go to the gym. Now, the women have to keep up with them!
On being a young woman in today's world: Oh yeah. Because I feel like I could keep up with any man. I'm not being conceited—don't misunderstand me. But I understand men. I do. My father, he always said to me, "If I was married to a woman like you, I'd own the world." He used to tell me that. I was the favorite, and I knew it. I could have had anything I wanted. I don't tell that to my brothers and sisters because I don't want to hurt their feelings.
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