Funmi Akingbade

Last week I promised I was going to share with you some natural ways to delay ejaculation, prevent weak erection, overcome premature ejaculation and increase sexual stamina. Premature ejaculation, or ejaculating before you or your wife want you to, is a common problem that strikes most men at some point in their lives. Several factors can influence when ejaculation occurs, but it can be controlled with some forethought or, in extreme cases, medical intervention. Here are some strategies to help you get over premature ejaculation and improve your sexual stamina.

Sometimes we do not have any medical condition; this condition just happens. For quick fixes, I suggest you just wear a condom or two together at the same time as the case may require. It sounds too simple to be true, but it works for a lot of men. The most natural thing is to apply strategic pressure. With a little anatomy knowledge, you can delay an oncoming ejaculation by applying pressure to one of two  spots.

First is the perineum pressure: this is pressing on the perineum, perineum is a spot midway between your scrotum and your anus, and firm pressure will help to stop ejaculation because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland. It is the prostate that contracts and expands during orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid. If you find it difficult to do,  just make sure you are very clean down there and there after, ask your wife to assist in applying this loving pressure for you. Then the testes tug: When a man is so close to orgasm or very near orgasm, his scrotum rises up closer to his body. You can delay ejaculation by  gently pulling your testes down and away from your body.

To make it more romantic and passionate, teach and train your wife to do this for you. Another natural way is to do all you can to reduce anxiety. For many husbands’ extreme williness to over-impress their wives, couple with anxiety and pressure to perform have been a major contributor to premature ejaculation. If you can just relax and remember that your wife probably cares about you and all you represent in her life more than the timing of your orgasms, and that premature ejaculation doesn’t mean you can’t still be good in bed. Then, don’t start off sex with orgasm in focus please and  please, take climaxing out of your expectations. Instead of viewing intercourse only as a means of achieving orgasm, reframe it as relaxing, pleasurable time with your adorable wife and season of bonding that you’ll enjoy regardless of ejaculation. For effectiveness, take time out, have a  family meeting and discuss this new mindset with your wife, so that she can stop pressuring you, intentionally or un-intentionally. Then while in the very act of sex, do all you can to think nonsexual thoughts. If you notice yourself getting too excited, turn your thoughts to something distant, abstract and unsexy, such as math, rush hour traffic or football match.

Only dwell  on it long enough to give yourself a short break from arousal, maybe 5 to 10 seconds, and then refocus your attention on your wife and the action of sex. Avoid thinking of a topic that is going to make you stressed or cause you to lose your arousal entirely. Thoughts such as the payment of the children school fees, Nigeria erratic power supply or some moods killer thoughts should be avoided. Now proceed further and try edging. Edging, or orgasm control, is the practice of maintaining a high level of sexual arousal while delaying ejaculation. It takes practice, but it gets easier over  time. Here are two methods recommended to stop premature ejaculation. Stop-and-start method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel yourself coming uncomfortably close to orgasm. Immediately and abruptly, cease all stimulation for 30 seconds, and then start again. Repeat this pattern until you’re ready to ejaculate. Squeeze method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel like orgasm is seconds away. Abruptly, stop other stimulation and gently squeeze your thumb and forefinger around the part of the penis where the glans meet the shaft (or your wife could do this).

After squeezing for a few seconds, try and pause all stimulation for another 30 seconds before resuming intercourse. Repeat this pattern until you’re ready to ejaculate.

Then try and change sexual positions. Some intercourse positions put less pressure on the glans (or the most sensitive part of the penis). Here’s what to do: Try “passive” positions. Lie beneath your wife, or try a side-by-side (or spooning) position. Avoid “active” positions.

Missionary and rear-entry positions place the most stimulation and friction on the glans, so consider taking them off the menu for now. And then take it slow. Depending on your personal sensitivity, slowing your movements and opting for gentler, more teasing intercourse can help you hold off orgasm longer. If you find yourself getting too close to orgasm, slow down a bit, change to a new position, or take a break to stimulate your wife in fore play. Make sure you focus on foreplay.

Sometimes, “premature” ejaculation is a frame of mind. Even if your ejaculation comes quickly during intercourse, you can still give your wife a great sexual experience through more extended, intimate, attentive and generous foreplay. Stimulate your wife enough manually, orally or with toys, and she may not need or want a long session of intercourse to finish happy.

Then of course, do PC muscle exercises. Flexing and strengthening your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle can help you exert more control over ejaculation. (Note that this is also called Kegel exercises, which you might have heard me recommend for women. The muscle is the same in both sexes.) Locate your PC muscle. Put one or two fingers right behind your testicles.

Pretend that you are urinating, and then try to stop the flow with a quick muscle contraction. That muscle you just used to stop the flow from the bladder is your PC muscle. Flex the muscle regularly. Try to do 10 to 20 squeezes in a set, 2 or 3 times a day. Do a set whenever you’re bored or stationary, like when you’re sitting at your desk or in traffic. No one will be able to see that you’re doing them. Squeeze your PC muscle when you feel ejaculation coming on. Once the muscle is strong enough, you should be able to hold it off just like stopping flow when urinating. Practise controlling your orgasm. When you are with your wife, focus on improving your control over your climax. Stimulate yourself to the edge of climax and then stop.

Do this several times before finishing. As you practise, learn to recognise the feeling of getting close to orgasm, and take note of how close you can get and still effectively stop, and when you’ve reached a “point of no return.” During intercourse, use that knowledge to slow down or adjust your movements if you get too close too early. Condoms reduce stimulation for most men, which should  prolong the time before ejaculation. But while looking for a condom to buy, steer clear of condoms that are marketed as extra thin. Instead, get a brand that allows more stimulation later. Some condoms are coated with a slight numbing gel on the inside. This can help you put off ejaculation for longer without causing numbness to your wife. (Just make sure you know which side is where when you put it on.) Use an analgesic cream or spray. There are two classes of these products. The first is the traditional “numbing” creams and sprays that have been in the market for some time. The advantage is that you’ll feel less sensation, which will delay ejaculation. While the disadvantage is that your wife may suffer a loss of sensation as well and of course less sensitive intercourse is not always an appealing notion, even in these circumstances. There is a new class of topical herbs that absorb into the skin to deliver a mild anaesthetic to the sensory nerves below the top layer of skin of the penis.

 This allows men to have ejaculatory control but with less loss of sexual sensation, and reduces the transference to their wives. If you routinely ejaculate less than a minute and a half after beginning vaginal intercourse, and none of the above fixes have worked, it might be time to see a sex therapist.