I’m getting married tomorrow!

 
Found this very interesting article written by a lady named Atilola Moronfolu, who got married on Saturday Nov. 26th. She shared the article on Friday November 25th just a day before she got married. It's quite interesting. Read below.. 

I am getting married tomorrow...but that is not what this article is about because in as much as marriage is a good thing, and I am looking forward to what that phase holds in store for me, I am not under the illusion that my life would suddenly transform from that of dystopia to a life of utopia.

You see, almost all my friends are married, and I have asked most of them few months or years after marriage, that “Which is better, being single or being married?”

It is interesting to note that not a single one of them has been able to tell me conclusively that being married is better than being single. They all respond with the familiar lines of “It’s different. Marriage is good but it comes with its responsibilities. They all have their pros and cons.”

I’ve been single for all my life. Yes, it might not be a lengthy period of time in some people’s eyes, but it is far longer time than I intended to be single, especially considering the fact that I graduated at the age of 21, and have been financially independent since then.

And I would like to say something that an average young girl might never get to hear.

BEING SINGLE IS A BLESSING!

This might be contrary to what we have heard all our lives, especially in this day and age our mothers start drumming their desired specs for a husband into our ears from our teenage years. With society’s several comments, it is implied that we are worth about just half our value as single… that marriage is the answer to all… that the unmarried cannot stand tall in the society… that something is wrong with us because we are single.

Firstly, marriage is not by force. You have a right to choose to be single or to be married. Nowhere in the constitution, not even in the bible does it say that marriage is compulsory. So let’s stop preaching heresy from the pulpit we have mounted in the lives of people who never begged for our sermons in the first place. Unfortunately, society seems to take that power of choice from us, but I am boldly saying that whether you want to get married or you want to be single, LET IT BE YOUR CHOICE!

Secondly, there is nothing wrong with a girl just because she is not married. She is not incomplete, neither is she a leper. This point is what the crux of this post is about

I have been single for long enough to know that singleness has a lot of advantages that married life can never dream to offer.

As a single person, one has the time to fulfil so much without the responsibility of caring for children or attending to spousal needs. You do not need permission from anyone to make important decisions, neither do you need to consider the children’s school requirements before you jet off to Paris.

To be single means to be ONE in every way… to be CONCENTRATED… to be WHOLE… to be UNIFIED… to be SINGULAR… to be SINGLE-HEARTED. Unfortunately, due to societal pressures, many single people are not actually single. They are single in status, but not in mind. The focus has shifted from being focused on desired goals, to worrying, searching for that right man, testing the waters, drooling over bella naija brides with envy, and jumping from one relationship to another.

We have failed to teach our single people the definition of true singleness, i.e. being singular in mind. It is in the journey of doing your work that your spouse will find you. 1Cor 7:32-35 explains this point a great deal, where it says the focus of the singles should be to serve God without distractions, while the married will always be distracted.

Sometime in my single years, I used to worry about my singleness, and daily prayed about marriage, amongst other things. At a point, God asked me, “what if I tell you that you that will not marry, that you will remain single forever, will you still serve me, and pray this earnestly?

I answered, “I would.”

And I heard it clearly, “So concentrate on other things, and stop praying for marriage. Live your life as if you would never marry.”

After that day, even though it was my desire to get married, I stopped praying for marriage, and I felt no more pressure to get married. It was from that moment I truly started enjoying my singleness. I enjoyed it so much that I wasn’t looking forward to getting married again. No, I wasn’t gallivanting round clubs or moving from one owambe to another. I did more than that.

I accomplished in a total of 4 years what would be difficult for a married woman to accomplish in 10 years.

I travelled round the world, organised shows, taught teenagers every Saturday and Sunday, wrote books, developed IPs, performed at events, ran businesses… I had so much time to give that I invested every moment of my life in one cause or the other, and I enjoyed it.

I became so comfortable in my singleness that my only fear was that I was getting too comfortable. So I told myself, “if I am going to leave this my extremely comfortable life, sacrifice all these, and get married i.e. submit my life to another human being, then that man has to be truly worth it. Or else, I will sit down here in my father’s house for as long as it takes, because no one is chasing me away from my father’s house, and in my father’s house, I am a princess.”

Am I saying that not all men are worthy of me? Absolutely yes! I have come too far in my journey of self-development through singleness to throw it all away to just any kind of man.

And so I rocked the party called singleness, but now, that party is over.

I think that is what we are supposed to be teaching our ladies…

That singleness is a status, not a disease. Being married is a status also. The fact that one is married doesn’t mean he/she is better than the single one. I don’t care how our parents, churches (with endless “deliverance from singleness” service, and discrimination against singles), and society at large have made it seem. You are not a more worthy human than I am because I am single, and you are married.

I have lived my single life to the best of my ability, and tried to accomplish all that singleness could afford me, even though I could have done more. So one thing I know is this, come tomorrow morning, when I am changing status, like we did in high school, I will hold my head up with pride, boldly beat my chest, and sign on the wall of fame of singleness “Atilola wuz ‘ere!”

And that wouldn’t be a lie, because even singleness can attest to the fact that I rocked the life out of it.

ATILOLA MORONFOLU

Source: https://www.facebook.com/amoronfolu/posts/10157838094000154

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3 things women secretly want during sex

Sex is one of those things that keep your relationship spicy and interesting, and it is also very important.Unfortunately, a lot of guys are selfish lovers and most times, leave their girlfriends sexually unsatisfied.

 Most men cannot hit their woman well and they ejaculate too quickly. But the good news is, there are proven solutions to that problem and can be found HERE.

It's no news that a lot of people cheat on their partners because of dissatisfaction where sex is concerned, and the numbers are still increasing. To find solution to your performance problem

As a guy, what are those things you need to do to make your woman have an awesome time whenever you have sex?

Here are some crazy things she expects you to do to give her earth-shattering orgasms:

• Last longer in bed: Women totally hate it when a man shoots off too soon because it prevents them from having orgasms. How would you feel if a woman got you close to an orgasm, then all of a sudden stopped, rolled over, and went to sleep? Yes, that's how annoying it is. If you really want to drive women wild, then you should learn how to last long in bed. Of course you can have a 'quickie' every now and then, but most of the time women will need a minimum of 30 minutes of intercourse to have multiple orgasms. In order to achieve 30 min of sex today, CLICK HERE NOW.

• Get her to perform for you: Men are so obsessed with 'putting in a good performance' in bed, and to some extent this is not a bad thing. But if you need to be 'performing' for her all the time, then this can be a big turn-off for her. She wants a guy who can also set up situations where she can perform for him. For instance, a lot of women like giving blowjobs if the guy can get her thinking about them the right way. If you can get her to 'perform' for you like this – especially if she's doing something she usually doesn't do for other guys – it'll be a huge sexual thrill to her. Think about the rush you get from giving her a huge orgasm. This is what she'll experience if you know how bypass her inhibitions and get her to 'perform' for you in bed.

• Learn how to give her orgasms: Men typically find it hard to seek out coaching to become better in bed. Their egos get in the way, and they like to think that they know it all even if their sex lives could use a lot of improvement. From a woman's perspective, this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. After all, to learn any other less important skill, you would seek out information on how to do it. This is exactly what women wish you would do in the bedroom. Because no man was born knowing all the secrets of giving women orgasms, and have to learn. Most men learn the hard way, by arduous trial and error over the course of many years. But at the end of the day, it's totally worth it. To Learn how to give her orgasm during sex CLICK HERE NOW

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Ali Baba Writes : All Relationships are not the same

Comedian Alibaba said all Relationships are not the same..

The veteran comedian, pens down his thoughts on relationships and infidelity

“All relationships are not the same. Because the people in the relationships are not the same. While one lady, 22yrs of age, might be understanding and not put you under pressure to marry her, another may be 38, and not have the luxury of time. Some ladies may not count your not buying them gifts or spending money on them, as anything. But to other babes, your gifts and spending on them is the proof of love. Some months ago, a lady’s husband impregnated his ex.. They weathered the storm and moved on. Another lady, during BRF’s first term, cant remember the year, saw a text message from a lady expressing her love and how her husband makes her feel, and she dumped the marriage in a bin. She married another guy, 4 years later.

Who was later to impregnate her best friend. And that is not to say you should sit in a relationship and take crap ooo. I know a guy whose wife has given him 4 kids. The 3rd one a boy, is not his. All the other 3 lovely girls are his. And it was not like that happened when they were separated. He knew who fathered the child, but he kept it tight to his chest. 16yrs on, they are still married. Some men have ended marriages because the wife was seen at a party dancing with an ex. One man’s meat is another man’s poison. What some people will take and not break their strides, could make some others to tumble over.

Some men of God, yes, Pastors, can’t tolerate what some mere mortals tolerate. So its not about religion or being spirit filled. Oh! I nearly forgot. One lady in Lekki, in 2012, was a sparring partner for her husband for nearly, 3 years. I’m talking, teeth removing beating. The First Lady of lagos intervened, and threatened the man with jail term if he ever put his hand on her again. Meanwhile, in Gbagada, a lady walked out of a marriage because “he raised his voice at me and I was scared for my life” Hiaaaan! ! In spite of all of the above, one thing is sure, if you both want it, you can work anything out. Trust me. I recently heard a guy had bedded his mother in-law. His wife’s mum. Not step. Not adopted. And it’s all forgotten. Me I no fit. Even babe wey, your guy browse dey hard… talk less, the one your old man..”

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Seeing Your Partner As Your ‘Other Half’ Might Spell Doom In Your Relationship – Research

A new study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology has found that relationships, much like most things in life, are all about perspective. When you see love as a beautiful journey of growth and occasional struggle, your love life is more likely to prosper. When you want your relationship to be perfect or believe you have one and only soul mate to “complete” you, you’re likely to have a tough time sustaining happiness in love. Luckily, improving that kind of emotional rut is as easy as a simple shift in perspective. The study divides views on love into two “frames” — a union between two halves who are made for each other, or a journey with ups and downs. To better explain the unity concept, the research team linked it to an Aristotle quote: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” People who see love like a journey, on the other hand, are more likely to relate to traditional wedding vows that promise to love one another for better or for worse.

The research team surveyed 73 participants who’d been committed, engaged or married for at least six months. Without being told about the two frames, participants were asked to take a short quiz in which they identified five phrases and indicated whether they’d heard them before. Some of the phrases had nothing to do with romance, but others were designed to veer the participant’s mind toward one of the two frames. Phrases like “my better half” and “made for each other” got quiz-takers thinking in terms of unity, and phrases like “look how far we’ve come” indicate a journey mindset. Once they’d been unknowingly exposed to one of the frames, participants were told to either describe two times they’d fought with their partner, or two times they celebrated together. After that, they numerically rated their satisfaction with the relationship. In follow-up research, participants were also asked to identify pairs of geometric shapes that pointed toward either circular unity or a maze that indicated a journey.

Participants who’d been exposed to the unity mindset reported much lower satisfaction with their relationships after describing a fight — likely because they were comparing their real-life relationship to the Disney movie ideal the unity frame makes us think of. Participants who’d been exposed to the journey frame reported pretty much equal levels of satisfaction whether they were recalling a fight or a celebration, because they viewed their relationship’s ups and downs as an expected part of the whole package, and perhaps even a growth opportunity. The participants who recalled celebrations reported satisfaction across the board, so viewing love as a unified ideal isn’t so harmful when times are good. It’s when rough patches hit that a unity frame becomes problematic, because you’ll find yourself wondering if small hurdles with your partner are really sign that you’re incompatible instead of a small blip in the grand scheme of your relationship. After all, if you felt that you and your partner were made solely for each other, it’d be hard to understand why you’d ever have to disagree.

Essentially, taking the unity frame to heart can sometimes lead a person to believe that simply finding a partner is when life’s struggles end and that from then on, your compatibility will do the work to stave off conflict. Romantic comedies certainly don’t help with this. In reality, life’s ups and downs will still hit us hard, whether we’re coupled or not, and even the happiest of pairs may come up against disagreement. While some people are more compatible with us than others, I do think there is way more than one potential soul mate out there for each of us — at the end of the day, it’s about choosing someone, “made for each other” or not, and setting out to find whether you’re able to grow together on your journey.

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10 Signs You’ve Truly Fallen In Love

What they say about love is true — when you know, you know.

But pinpointing the very moment that your feelings went from serious attraction to full-blown love? No easy task. On Wednesday, 10 romantic Redditors accepted the challenge.

Below they explain how they knew, without a doubt, that they were head-over-heels in love.

1. You go out of your way to make each other happy.

“We used to be long distance. One night I was crying on the phone to him because I missed him so much. At 4 a.m. that morning I got a call saying he was outside. He drove all night to give me a cuddle because I was sad.”

2. You might differ personality-wise but you have some random (and awesome) things in common.

“Toward the end of our first date, her friends call her. Her phone rings and her ringtone is ‘Dayman’ from ‘Always Sunny’. She gets off the phone looks at me and asks what’s wrong because I have a dumbfounded look on my face. I told her to call my phone right now. She does. ‘Dayman’ is my ringtone. We knew.”

3. Doing mundane things together is not only tolerable, it’s enjoyable.

“We can spend hours upon hours talking about nothing and never get bored with each other.”

4. You’re totally at ease around each other and can be yourself.

“A couple of months into our relationship I was in the shower and she knocks on the door. ‘I need to weeee!’ she says. ‘Just come in! The door’s open!’ I reply. She came in, had her wee, washed her hands and then opened the shower door, said ‘Nice ass’, slapped me on the butt and left. Right then, I knew I was with somebody really special. That was three years ago and we’re now happily married.”

5. You start referring to yourselves as a “we” without skipping a beat.

“Whenever he would speak about the future, he always included me in it. It was never a ‘I’, it was a ‘we’. It was our future.”

6. You’re there for each other during the really tough sh*t.

“Until recently I was a total junkie f*ck-up with potential. I spent my 20s using hydromorphone and fentanyl and heroin — amongst other things and was an idiot. But a functional idiot. And she stood by me and I’m clean now. She almost didn’t. I got one chance and I took it.”

7. Laughter is a constant.

“We laughed at almost anything together — the night we decided we were right together was spent in a tent giggling until 5 a.m. sharing the same sleeping bag. Eleven months on and we’re still as happy as when we first got together.”

8. You have physical chemistry that goes beyond sex.

“On our first date, she stayed over. We didn’t do the nookie times, but I did feel something click as she snuggled in and fell asleep with her head on my chest.”

9. You melt a little when you see your S.O.’s parental instincts shining through.

“A few months into dating we were at a party and a friend was there with his daughter. The way my S.O. was interacting with her and playing around with her made me realize that I want her to be the mother of my children.”

10. You’re different in all the right ways.

“He balances me out. I run on instinct and he thinks things through. I take him to things he would never go to otherwise and he shows me how to relax. We have so much fun together and he

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10 Sure Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Relationships and marriage are not easy. When you’ve seen people who make it together for long, you know you are looking at two people who have fought, compromised, and stayed committed to one another through a lot. There’s a lot to be learned from these people.

But relationships don’t fail from big problems, at least not all the time. Very often, people end up splitting over the small things, especially once the small things add up.

With this in mind, here are 10 important ways you can improve your relationship with your significant other.

Apologize when you are wrong: Forget pride. If you realize you are wrong in a fight, admit it and say you are sorry. It will make a world of difference in terms of staying close.

Imagine the other person gone during a fight: There is no better way to stop a fight than to imagine losing or missing the other person. That sadness? That tightness in your chest? That’s the love you feel for them.

Laugh more: For me, this is the biggest secret to 10 years of marriage. My husband and I crack each other up. We roll on the floor laughing and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. This is what keeps us strong.

Arrange weekly meetings: If you have young kids and two careers, there is nothing more important than having weekly “meetings.” It may not be romantic, but neither is nagging, and this curbs that a lot.

Schedule s*x: It’s not romantic, but in our busy lives, it’s necessary. Pencil it in, because you know what’s less romantic? A sexless marriage.

Talk about the little things: Talk about the big things, but also discuss the little things. Talk and then talk some more. The more you talk, the more you learn.

Have your own life: No one likes someone with no friends. So get hobbies. Get friends. Get a life! Now! It will make your spouse appreciate you more.

Remember to thank the other person: It’s true. However small it seems, remember to say thanks for small things, even if they are expected. “Hey, thanks for making dinner tonight.” It creates a lot of goodwill and helps each person feel appreciated.

Stop yelling: No one is suggesting you stop fighting. Some fights are needed. But stop yelling. And name calling. And fighting dirty. Trust me.

Hold hands: Even when you are mad at each other, just touch. Whether it’s in bed or out of bed. Sometimes the simple act of touching one another can help curb angry feelings.

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TOP SECRET: SEE The Number One Thing Every Woman Wants In Bed

Agreed, we all want different things in our s*xual lives, but research has revealed one common thing women truly want.



And that is Emotional Intimacy.

During a survey of over 1,000 women, each woman was asked about their best s*x. 96 percent of the women revealed that the best s*x they have ever had was with someone with whom they are emotionally connected.

Other reasons women (and even sometimes men) gave for enjoying s*x include “being with someone I love,” followed by “feeling good about my s*xual abilities” and “when my partner compliments me.”

So what are the top three things women crave? The survey reveals that the top three requirements for great s*x are physical attraction, emotional intimacy and feeling secure and loved.

This also laid credence to the survey conducted by Durex which revealed that 87 percent of women said the hottest s*x they’d ever had was with someone they knew and trusted, and 95 percent of men said s*x is more fulfilling with an emotional connection.

So it seems the best way to get into a woman’s panties is through her heart.

Source: Huffington post

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Relationships: Seven (gentle) ways to get a man to do anything you want

How could a guy get pissed at a girl who’s just spent the whole day giving him what he wants?”

1. Don’t Fear The Damsel In Distress Act
“Whenever I want a guy to do something, I put the sweet on and act innocent. I’ll do just about everything except bat my eyelashes — but it works! Even though I’m not naïve, I’ll act that way and put a little extra sugar on everything I say and do toward him,” says Erin.

2. Bring Backup
“My boyfriend loves surprises (even though he’d never admit that), so I always come prepared. If I want him to go out with me and my girlfriends one night, or if I want him to help me clean the apartment, I make sure to stop and pick up something that he’ll really love — or something that he’s been hinting that he wants. There’s no arguments, no huffing and puffing — just a little surprise and then he’s in my pocket,” says Lisa,
“Seriously, it doesn’t get any easier than that.”

3. Make Him Think The Idea Was His
“My mom let me in on a secret when my husband and I first started dating. She said that the best way to get through anything was to make him think it was his idea. You’ve got to be coy, but whenever I want Jed to do something,” says Hannah, “I make sure he thinks he came up with it — even if he knows he didn’t. The fact that I’m conceding (and letting him think he’s won) is the best way to get through everything.”

4. Go Old School
“Call me crazy, but I just ask nicely — like, really, really nicely. If my guy knows that it’s important to me, I just tell him how important it is and then I promise to make it up to him afterward,” Tara says, “How could a guy say no to that?”

5. Kill ‘Em With Kindness
“Oh,” says Morgan, “I make sure to butter him up well before I ask him to do anything. So it doesn’t look too obvious, I’ll start much earlier in the day and just make him feel really good about himself. Then, when he’s all buttered up, I’ll let him know that we’re going to spend the weekend with my parents! How could a guy get pissed at a girl who’s just spent the whole day giving him what he wants?”

6. Lean In… For A Kiss
“There’s nothing sweeter than a long kiss before asking for something,” Meagan jokes, “It’s kind of my way of saying ‘Yes, I need something from you, but I’m not gonna fight you for it.’ I think a guy can appreciate that — and uh, who doesn’t love a hot, steamy kiss?”

7. Give One, Get One
“I go first,” Brittany says. “I’ll make dinner for my boyfriend and then he’ll take the lead and clean up — without me having to nag. Or I’ll buy him dinner and then the next time we go out for a date, he picks up the check. I think by seeing me take the initiative first, he’s more likely to realize that he wants to do something nice in return. It’s give one, get one, but for relationships, ha!”

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Bus s*x: Night travel’s fringe benefit

Night travel may be fraught with a lot of dangers in Nigeria where highways are not in the best condition and robbers use the state of the roads as an opportunity to ambush interstate commercial vehicles.

But in spite of these inherent dangers, there seems to be no reduction in the number of people who choose to go on journeys in the night.

Investigation by our source showed that the attraction of some of the passengers to the night travel was more bizarre as much as it was almost unbelievable.

When reporters visited some parks to investigate, it was found out that passengers preferred night travels for different reasons.

At Jibowu, an area of Lagos where luxury buses load passengers to the Eastern part of the country, Chidioke Ekezie, a motorboy attached to a bus of one of the popular transport operators in Lagos, gave an insight into life on night buses, which he explained could be very vibrant and “interesting” as a result of the duration of the journeys.

“There has never been a time that those taking night journey reduced. The thing is that a lot of people just like travelling at that time simply because it is traffic-free,” Ekezie said.

Asked to elaborate on the “interesting” part of the journey, which he had earlier mentioned, the motorboy said, “A lot of people make new friends and many young people who board the buses as strangers become couples during the journey.”

When asked whether there is any séxual activity during these journeys, Ekezie smiled mischievously and said, “It is a known fact that it happens. Some people are just quite stupid. Most couples wait till we get to our designated bus stops to have séx.

“For instance, on a journey from Onitsha to Lagos, the bus sometimes leaves at about 10pm and later stops at Benin so that the passengers can stretch their legs, buy refreshments and ease themselves. This takes a long time.

“I have seen a lot of passengers get down and go around a corner to have séx. It happens. I have also seen some passengers have séx in the bus while others are off the bus. When this happens, it is a problem for the man and woman involved. We don’t condone such acts in the bus.
“We could decide to drop the involved passengers there and leave because it is very silly for people to have séx in the bus.”

A 23-year-old student, who preferred to give just his first name, Chukwueloka, was booked on one of the luxury buses to his home state of Imo, when our correspondent visited the park.
He said he always took night buses anytime he went home.

“Night buses are interesting. A lot of things happen there,” he declared, when our correspondent had a chat with him on why he favoured night travel that much.

A lot of things like what?

He went into a narration.
“There was a time I went to Yenagoa (Bayelsa State capital) in 2005. I boarded the bus at Mazamaza and got a seat beside a fair lady who was also going to Bayelsa. The journey was at least seven hours and we took off around 6pm.

“I had been chatting with the lady since we left Lagos. About four hours into the journey, she yawned and said she was sleepy. She rested her head on my shoulder and there was no way she could be comfortable if my arm did not go around her shoulders.

“My arm brushed her chest mistakenly and she did nothing. It turned out that by her body language as the journey went on, she wanted something. I had heard about such things happening on buses but I did not immediately understand her intention.

“She later made it clear when her hand went to my zippers.”
Chukwueloka laughed as he narrated this unusual escapade. He said he would never forget it for the rest of his life.

“I just wanted to experience it. She sat on my lap and other passengers were asleep in the bus. It was also dark,” he said.

Having a séxual encounter with a complete stranger may be a no-no for many people but Chukwueloka said he used protection.

At Oshodi, another part of Lagos, where luxury buses load to the Eastern part of the country, our source spoke with some passengers to find out if any of them had a similar story to tell.

Jane Akuegbu, a student of the Cross River University of Technology, Calabar, said the only reason she liked taking night buses is the peace and quiet that she experiences during the journey.

“I am lucky because even though some people say night buses get robbed, I have not experienced that before,” she said.

When the issue of séxual activities in buses came up, she said she had heard about it but had not seen one happen on any of the buses she took to the southern part of the country.

She, however, narrated an incident involving a bus her aunty once boarded to Abia State.
Akuegbu said, “My aunty boarded a luxury bus from Jibowu. The last bus stop was at Aba and a man came out of the bus complaining that his wallet, his wrist watch and the handbag containing his laptop had been stolen.

“My aunty said when the young man explained what happened, every other passenger of the bus made jest of him. What happened was that when all other passengers in the bus were asleep, he made séxual advances at the lady he sat with.

“They started fondling each other even though they were strangers when they boarded the bus. The lady later offered that the man should suck her chest. The lady must have rubbed a sleeping portion on her chest because the man slept off afterwards.

“The lady stole all his belongings and disembarked from the bus before it got to the last bus stop.”
A passenger, Sola Olaogun, expressed his disgust about the subject when he was approached on the issue of séxual activities in buses.

“What would this world turn to? How can you do that kind of thing with someone you don’t know at all? I was so disgusted when I saw a young man and a lady “fingering” each other in a bus I boarded to Owerri (Imo State capital) the other day. May God deliver young men who do things like that,” he said.
‘Fingering’ is a coined word for fondling in Nigeria.

A motorboy gave his ‘expert’ opinion on the issue.
Felix Uche, who has been accompanying luxury buses on journeys to the eastern part of the country for five years, said buses heading to Uyo and Calabar are noted for such activities.

“It is real. Passengers have séx in the buses. Even when our buses used to go to Uyo, we noticed such acts and that is why we decided to stop going there,” he said.

A colleague of his, Kalu Ejiofor, gave his own version of the issue.
He said, “There was a time a lady came to the park in Anambra to board our bus. It turned out that her fare was not enough so a young man offered to help complete it.
“During the journey to Lagos, they obviously became friends. When the bus got to Benin, passengers got down from the bus. A passenger got back in the bus and noticed that same lady and the man were having séx in the dark at the back of the bus.

“He alerted us. We really insulted and embarrassed both of them. They are not supposed to be doing such a thing in a public bus because I personally don’t think it is decent.”

Ikenna Okafor, who works for another company told stated that his years of working as a motorboy had taught him that some Nigerians are perverts.

Okafor said, “A lady came from Benin Republic to Nigeria. The stress of the journey must have made her tired as she slept off. A man sitting next to the girl began to “finger” her as she slept. He was molesting her! It was another passenger who was awake that noticed the whole thing.

“He was aware that the two of them did not come together and such a thing was happening. It was then he alerted me. We woke the lady up and informed her about what happened. It was so surprising that the girl was too tired that she did not even know.”

Evans, an employee of a transport company, who preferred to keep his company’s name off record, said no transport company would encourage such acts.

He said even though séx on night buses does happen on long journeys, a well organised company would never condone such acts.

“I have seen cases of people having séx outside the bus. Most times when the bus stops to rest, I have seen passengers go outside the bus to have séx while others go to ease themselves or stretch their legs,” Evans said.

However, a luxury bus driver, who identified himself simply as Zona, said that he was less concerned about whatever goes on inside the bus while he is driving.

“My only concern is the safety of the passengers,” he said.
He said government should work on the bad roads in the country to make it fit for night travel.
Zona explained that he had encountered more than ten robbery attacks in his seven years of driving business.

Zona stated, “I have been a bus driver for seven years. I drive during the day and night. On some of my night journeys, I notice that robbers attack mostly around the bad portion of the highway. The roads are terrible with many potholes.”

Corroborating Zona’s claims, Uche, the motorboy, who had spoken with our source earlier, said a female friend of his was once defiled and robbed when she came to visit him.

Uche said, “There has been series of robberies on the Abuja highway and the worst part of it is that the robbers are notorious for defiling female passengers too. I had a female friend that came to visit me. When she was travelling back on the Abuja road, she encountered armed robbers and they defiled her. Just last week, they robbed one of our buses,” Uche said.

“The bad road is what makes it easy to perpetrate these crimes because buses are forced to slow down in such bad spots. We encounter armed robbers on our journeys sometimes but it has reduced. But the government right now should be aware that Abuja road is very unsafe.

Over the years, there have been several campaigns against night travels. The reasons given by the Federal Road Safety Commission are that most of the roads are not well illuminated and the poor state of most of Nigeria’s highways causes avoidable accidents.

But while night travel may have its downside, it seems some passengers will always favour it because of the different attractions it holds for them.

In 2011, the Federal Road Safety Corps said it had no constitutional power to ban night travel, despite the high incidence of fatal accidents and robbery attacks being experienced by people undertaking such trips.
Source: Punch Nigeria

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When To Start Having S*x Again After Birth

Dr Petra Boynton, the Telegraph’s séx and rélationships agony aunt, tells one new mother there is no ‘right’ time to resume séx after having a baby and offers advice on how to rekindle a romantic rélationship with your partner post birth.

My fiancé and I haven’t had séx since the birth of my six-month old daughter. This is largely due to my body image issues, but also my partner previously séxting other girls on Facebook, who all seem to be slim. I feel as though I physically and emotionally have no connection to séx whatsoever. I’m aware of why and I have tried explaining these feelings to my partner and he still persists at least 5 times a day. He just keeps going on about it, pressing against me. When I say no to séx, he moans, whines and even says “well you can use your hands instead”. I’m not sure how much more I can take.

I want to reassure you many people don’t have any kind of séx for six months or longer after having a baby. Particularly following a difficult birth, or if you have a high needs baby, or Post Natal Depression. Body image worries, having other children to care for, or a lack of support also understandably sap desire.

cause tension and difficulties that previously hadn’t troubled a relationship.

It’s also common to hear mothers say they don’t want more physical closeness from a partner – either because they’re enjoying this experience with their baby, or because they feel drained by it. Partners talk of desire and wanting to be close but being uncertain how to do this. Sometimes a partner being too pushy results in the mother withdrawing and both feeling like affection is lacking or fearing the relationship will end.

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My Husband’s Marathon S*x Sometimes Makes Me Faint – Wife Cries Out

 A 45-year-old trader, Muina Adelami, has asked a Lagos family court in Lagos State to dissolve  her  eight-year-old  marriage to her husband, Shuaib, a clerical officer, on the ground that his s*x drive was high.
“I  have managed to stay this long  in the marriage  because I thought his libido would  go down but that has not been the case.

“In the eight years of our marriage, we only have a child, I had two miscarriages  as a result of  excessive s*x.’’

She informed the court further that her husband liked s*x too much and gave  her no breathing space.

“We start having s*x every night just before midnight  and this goes on till the early hours of the next day.  Many times, immediately  after he comes back  from work, he starts demanding for s*x.

‘’He  will refuse to stand up even when I am crying and will start beating me whenever I complain.

“There were times I did  faint, but when I came around, he would start again.

“The way he’s going, he will kill me. I now look older than my age mates due to too much s*x,” she said.

In his defence, Shuaib admitted to having a high s*x drive, but added that it was his right to have s*x with his wife.

“I was advised to marry a younger wife but I cannot afford that, that is why I take care of her and give her everything she wants.

“I have been trying to change her mind on the issue of divorce, but she is adamant. I love her and would not want to divorce her. I also know that s*x can’t kill her,” he said.

The case was adjourned till December 4.

Source: Nigerian Tribune

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4 Types of S*x to Avoid, No Matter How Good it Feels

 Sometimes s*x can make a bad situation worse and leave you wishing you hadn’t wasted your good underwear & clean sheets on a brief fling with s*xual mediocrity.
Here are the 4 types of s*x to avoid at all cost.

Break-Up s*x: It may seem appealing to take one last ride on that pony for old time’s sake, but the consequences will likely outweigh the benefits. You’re breaking up, which means something isn’t working. And even if s*x isn’t the cause of your break-up, it can complicate an already delicate situation. For instance, it’s easy for your partner to misconstrue your intentions. When it comes to break-up s*x, you don’t want your “It has been a pleasure doing business with you,” to be misinterpreted for a “Thank you. Come again!” Even if you’re the type who makes your intentions crystal clear, science still offers warnings against break-up s*x. Romantic rejection and heartbreak trigger the same parts of the brain associated with pain, distress and addiction. It takes time to reduce these triggers and when the wound is fresh, you don’t want to train your body to link s*x with these conditions.

Drunk s*x: A few drinks may loosen you up and help you to shed your inhibitions, but be sure to limit how many glasses you down as you may end up shedding and downing more than you bargained for. “Bottom’s up” may be in good fun at the bar, but you need to decide whether you’re open to letting it take on a whole new meaning bedside. If you plan on drinking, bear in mind that alcohol impairs your judgment. Booze goggles not only cause light-of-day regret the following morning, but also reduce the likelihood of using condoms and other safer s*x tools – so plan ahead. And that liquid confidence may seemingly improve your performance on the dance floor, but it can have the opposite effect sexually. Alcohol impacts your body’s s*xual response and circulation making erections and lubrication harder to come by.

Self-Pity s*x (The One Night Stand): If you’re having a little pity party for yourself and think that a one-night stand will elevate your spirits, you may want to think again – especially if you’re a woman. While a one-time roll in the hay (or nightclub restroom stall) can be fun for some, women seem to get the short end of the stick when it comes to casual s*x. And the short sticks aren’t to blame. Research shows that over half (54 per cent) of women often feel disappointed by one-night stands and report high levels of regret the morning after. On the other hand, 80 per cent of men feel positively about the experience and say that it helps them to blow off some steam. Steam? Is that what they’re calling it these days? So before you take the plunge and turn to casual s*x to lift your spirits, be sure to consider other ways to crash the pity party.

Make-Up s*x: Experts are split on this one and you can decide for yourself whether make-up s*x works for you. Some psychologists believe that it rewards fighting, drama and generally bad behaviour. They suggest that couples are dealing with intensely negative emotions and instead of finding a resolution, they seek an opposite experience (pleasure) in s*x. They argue that this type of s*x isn’t “real intimacy” and that it can lead to loneliness and the belief that everything can be fixed with s*x. What a world it would be if this were true!

If you find yourself enticed by these four types of s*x, you may want to take a moment to reconsider. And if you’re still tempted, at least consider the laundry!

Source: MSN

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20 Things Every Man Wants In Bed

You might think you have sexy down to a science. But do know what real men actually want in a lover?

Read on to find out

Enthusiasm
When it comes to s*x, you can get an “A” for effort. Guys want to be with someone who’s actually into s*x and not doing it as a favor or just going through the motions.

“There is nothing more seductive than an enthusiastic lover,” says Lou Paget, certified s*x educator and author of The Big O: Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming. “That beats out the perfect body or the perfect face anytime. A man wants feedback that a woman is into doing things with him!”

New Tricks
Men want a lover who is willing to try new things from time to time. That doesn’t mean you have to go all 50 Shades of Grey. Just be open to ideas.

“s*xual desire is like an appetite,” says Paget. “We all want to try different flavors — otherwise we’d get bored eating at the same place all the time. Men want someone who is willing to explore unique feelings and new sensations.”

Worried that whatever you do is suddenly going to become part of your nightly repertoire? Don’t think of it as a can of worms. Most likely the occasional change-up is all he needs.

Praise
We normally think of women as the ones who need reassurance about their appearance, but men get insecure, too. A lover who will find something to compliment and worship about her partner will never lack affection from him.

“Every man wants to know they have that special something that turns a woman on,” says Paget. “It could be something that turns her head or something like his intelligence or sense of humor that she finds incredibly sexy.”

Bossiness
It’s not a cliché, ladies. A man wants a woman who will tell him what to do — at least in the bedroom. Most guys will be thankful for a little instruction, especially if it means they’ll succeed at pleasuring you.
“A woman who can guide you with sounds or one word responses is preferred as it takes away the guess work,” says Paget. “Just remember to avoid acting like a s*xual traffic cop!”

Confidence
Men want someone who will leave the lights on and let him get a good look at her. Stop worrying about covering up any squishy parts.

“Indirect lighting is Hollywood’s best friend and it can be yours as well,” says Paget. “Need I repeat that men are visual creatures and they want to see their partner? It’s a big part of their turn-on factor.”
Confidence is sexier than anything!

Love on the Brain
A woman who keeps s*x in the forefront of her thoughts knows how to inject it into life outside the bedroom — and that’s sexy. Try sexting him or be extra naughty and playful in public.

“Do it in a discreet way,” say Paget. “Let your partner know that you’re thinking about s*x throughout the day. Remember, your brain is your s*xual power source.”

TON

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Scarlet Johansson Explains Why Porn Is Good For Women

Scarlett Johansson has spoken in favour of women enjoying porn, claiming it can be “productive for both men and women”.

Speaking ahead of her latest film, Don Jon, about a porn-obsessive, Johansson said she would be “flabbergasted” to discover her boyfriend was addicted to porn, but did not think it was bad thing.

She told Marie Claire: “I’m sure I should have some very well-developed view on [porn’s] effect on society, the ethics behind it and how it affects the kind of relationship between men and women and how it objectifies women. But I don’t really think about it.”

She added she thought porn might help both partners be less self-conscious about sex and satisfy some curiosity: “I think porn, like anything else, can be enjoyed. It can be productive for both men and women.”

The film, which sees Johansson play the love interest to Joesph Gordon-Levitt’s porn-obsessive character, is one of the latest movies to explore sex obsession and the porn industry, following this year’s Lovelace, and 2011’s Shame.

Speaking about her attitude towards porn, Amanda Seyfried, who starred in Lovelace as renown porn star Linda Lovelace, said she thought women "should be free to watch it and make it".

She said: “I think there’ still are a lot of people being objectified, a lot of people involved who don’t want to be. But there’s a lot of porn being made for women, written by women.

“It’s great, it’ self expression, people should be free to watch it and make it it’s just how it’s depicted.

"Sex shouldn’t be depicted as something that’s so terrifying. And the access to it is scary and there are a lot of fetishes, but each to his own. I can’t judge porn.”

Don Jon is released in cinemas on Friday 15 November.

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Photos: Want To Satisfy Her In Bed? Women Get Turned On When You Touch THESE Parts Of Her Body

 Expand your repertoire: When it comes to arousal levels, women say the napé of their néck is more erogenous than their breasts, finds a new study.

That certainly doesn't mean you should avoid her breasts altogether. But there's a lot of middle ground when it comes to erogenous zones—meaning you should switch up your foréplay to maximize her pleasure.

Ready to test your knowledge on her favorite places to be touched? Check out what women (and men) had to say when they were asked to raté each bódy part in terms of level of arousal.

 

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10 Signs Your Ex Still Loves You

Relationships are truly hard to understand sometimes. The start is always beautiful and the end keeps you wondering how your relationships ever worked at all.

With short term affairs you move on and find the next one. But sometimes when real love develops the moving on can be pretty difficult. If you still have feelings for your ex and keep wondering whether your ex may still love you as well, here are the signs to look for.

Text messages and phone calls

People who are still in love tend to cling on to their ex partners, and sometimes this shows itself in the form of trying to maintain a friendship. It doesn't mean that if your ex is friendly with you he/she definitely has feelings for you. But if you're getting text messages like “good night” or phone calls just to check how you're doing regularly then this could indicate that your ex is thinking about you often.

Your ex is still single

Generally speaking, when people have moved on from relationships totally, they look for new ones. But in the event that love is still lingering then they may opt to take time to themselves instead or to have only casual flings. Thus, unwillingness to recommit to someone new is certainly a thing to watch out for.

If you still share an intimate relationship

It's actually evident... Everybody likes sex, but people who have really moved on from a relationship are probably more likely to fulfill their needs elsewhere. If your ex keeps coming back to you after the break up then chances are that the break up needs to be reevaluated.

If your ex is trying to hurt you..

It's a bit ironic, but if your ex is saying things with the intention of hurting you then he or she almost certainly still has some feelings for you. Arguing is pretty much the number one cause of relationships breaking down, so arguing once a relationship has reached its end just doesn't make any sense. If your ex is behaving in such a way maybe you should consider cutting off such relationships. But probably it means that there are feelings present on both sides.

Your ex still visits the same hangouts

If your ex often appears at the places that you like, and keeps “randomly” bumping into you, then this could also be a sign of lingering feelings. Sometimes it is hard to determine if you and your ex shared a circle of friends to begin with, but just look for behaviors that may indicate that your ex is looking for the opportunity to meet you.

If your ex is trying to attract you

Your ex is trying to impress you: for example, a better job (when money was an issue in your relationships), changes in looks (in order to catch the eyes of their ex), etc. Such behavior could be a sign, too.

Mutual friends say so

Talk to mutual friends. Gossip doesn't stop after high school, so get into the thick of it and see what other people have to say; you might hear exactly what you want to hear.

Social networking websites point towards this

Social networks is one of the key tools nowadays to make others jealous. If you find that your ex has suddenly added new attractive friends then there may be a reason for this beyond simple extroversion. This is particularly true if you notice flirty wall comments floating back and forth between your ex and some new individual. If your ex seems to be out to make you jealous then it means that strong feelings remained.

Your ex is there for you..

If you are undergoing problems in life and your ex is there for you to support you, it may be a sign. Your ex being there for you doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship has hope of being revived, but...

If your ex is trying to see you often

Lastly, if your ex is still asking you to hang out or still making efforts to see you regularly then there could be hope for your relationship to start anew. After the relationships are over people stop "dating", but if your ex is treating you the same way as before, then it's likely that the feelings haven't changed that much.

However, remember: it's important that you don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of or strung along. There are those out there who can't let go of the past but still want nothing to do with it. Always recognize that the relationship may not have the capability to begin anew, but there are some situations where it certainly does.

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Signs That Reveal Your Marriage Is Headed For Divorce

Divorce is like a freight train, experts say. There are always signals but you may not understand them.

With the divorce rate rising day by day, it's important to nurture your relationship in order to safeguard your marriage against divorce. But how do you know if you are headed that way?The following signs are indicative that your marriage is about to crumble.

1. A fall off in frequency and quality of intimacy
“There is a definite lack of interest in sex and they don’t communicate about it and don’t do anything about it,” says Cardi. “Or they are in very different places on it. Basically, the trigger is that sex is not working and hasn’t worked in a while.”

2. Fighting or bickering more frequently than in the past: According to a family and divorce attorney-mediator in New York, N.Y., the arguments are redundant and never get resolved. “It’s  about the same topic over and over again,” she said. “You are arguing over the same issue and it increases in frequency. And there is no resolution. It doesn’t go anywhere.” Puhn says at the bottom of this and most relationship problems is communication.

3. Compromising no more: Understanding is a very important factor in every relationship. You need to understand each other’s needs and work accordingly. At times to make your partner happy, you might have to compromise or let go of something that is not as important as your love. As this fades away so does the hope that the marriage will survive.

4. Over-scheduling commitments and/or spending lots of time on the computer or Blackberry: Less face-to-face time, when it is intentional on one or both spouses parts, is strong indicator that a marriage is in jeopardy. There’s a certain amount of work that a person has to do but if you see it’s becoming more and more and more, and it continues to increase, especially over the holidays, that’s called distancing.

5. No repair: You try to repair the relationship and the marriage and want to go back to the time when sparks flew. But if you are being stonewalled by your partner and his lack of willingness to engage in conversation, then the likelihood of divorce is high.

6. Change in the manner in which a spouse handles his or her money: From a lawyer’s perspective, according to Cardi, the shifting around of accounts is far more telling than a spouse may let on. If one of the spouse is moving money, that’s a sign to that he’s already ready to get out of the marriage and move onto the divorce stage.

7. Daydreaming about being single or with someone other than your spouse: According to Puhn, this is the most serious sign of all because daydreaming often happens right before the divorce.

8. Spending time together: After marriage, each partner is often busy with their own schedules, but finding time for each other and spending time together is what makes all the difference. When you stop prioritising each other over friends and others and start moving in separate orbits, then it’s a sign of serious trouble.

The list can go on and on, but often times varies from couple to couple. In order to stay connected, marriage requires a lot of devotion and attention.

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6 Simple Ways To Get Your Girl Back After Break-Up

What happens when you are head-over-heels in love with your girl and she just breaks up with you out of the blue?

A lot of guys have been a victim of such but her saying it’s over does not necessarily mean it has to be.

Instead of pining and living in misery over the break up, how about you try these simple tips below to get your ex-girlfriend back.

Let her go: This may seem like you are doing the opposite of what feels natural, but women enjoy the process of the chase as much as men do. A post-break up woman will need validation that you are heart broken over her. By acting like you are over the relationship, this will naturally arouse her curiosity in you. If she is curious about you, then she is thinking about you, and this is always the first step. Women also do not like men who are indecisive. If you show that you have made a conscious decision and that you have followed through in getting over her, then she will keep thinking about you to try and figure it out. Yes, this means stop all texting, calling, Facebooking, emails etc. Do not act like your life is over. Act like everything has gone back to normal but just that little bit better. Yes, avoid drunk dialling or drunken texting. Remember, women are not attracted to guys that ‘need’ them.

Have fun: If you are seen having fun, then she will definitely know that you are over her, and will be curious about you. Keep in mind that most women have friends, and if they see you having fun, then it will be reported back to your ex girlfriend. She will remember what it was that originally attracted her to you. Keep in mind that ‘having fun’ does not constitute substance abuse – getting too drunk, too loud, or too rowdy. A lot of men fall into this trap, and it just reads as being pathetic. Have fun with confidence and she will notice.

Tease her: When you do get the chance to speak with her, then tease her a little – nothing too drastic, the point is not to insult her. The thing is women usually react to what they cannot have. If you appear emotionally unavailable and throw her a few insults, you will be surprised with the result. Women say they like nice guys, but really, they are not attracted to them. Start with something like, “I like your dress… I’ve been 3 other girls wearing the same one today.” Get the idea? Women are used to guys being overly nice to them. Do not do what they are doing.

Self Improvement: Pick up those weights, that guitar, learn that new language. Any endeavour into self improvement is not only a serious boost of confidence for you, it shows her that you look after yourself/are cultured etc and have other, interesting activities that you’d much rather put your time into. Again, this attitude may feel unnatural, but if your ex girlfriend sees what you could have been up to instead of spending time with her, this will arouse her curiosity, and give you a killer new hobby that will make you into a more learned, more creative, or fitter person (i.e more attractive person).

Never, ever, ever, ever bring up the possibility of getting back together again. Do not make the first move. Let her make the first move. The trick is to not to get your ex girlfriend to come back to you. It is to make it so that she cannot stay away from you. This can involve a lot of patience, but the pay off is always worth it.

Move on: Hey, if all of this doesn’t work out at the end of the day, then take the lessons that you’ve learned and move on. Dating other women is a good option. It boosts your confidence while making your ex girlfriend jealous, and could be the pathway to finding a relationship that works better than your previous one.

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For Men – 7 Types Of Ladies You Should Not Date!

Dear men, you think you can date any thing in skirt, huh? No, you should not. There are some women that you should not mess around. You should keep them at a distance to avoid getting what you did not bargain for…. Lol. Here, they are:

1. Your ex. It is advisable not to return to a past relationship especially if things did not end well. Yes, we remember our ex, especially when we are lonely but going back would only last for a short time, only to regret it.

2. Your wife’s best friend. She could be tempting but the end result could destroy everything you have worked hard to build. Never get too close to your wife’s friend no matter what.

3. Your Neighbor. Just because she is next door does not give you the right to go in and out. At first it could be fun but soon, she would be expecting a relationship and questioning who comes visiting and before you know it, she has moved temporarily into your apartment. Best of luck.

4. Women who have bad reputation. Run for cover. I know dating her can be fun, especially if she gives freely to any man that asks. If you can’t be seen with her outside, why stick with her?

5. The gold digger. Stay away from her, unless you want to empty your entire savings. Not only will she expect you to take care of all her needs, but will also pick faults with you and blame you for spending too much time with your family and friends.

6. Your co-worker. Maintain a high level of professionalism at your work place. Maintain only a work related relationship with your female co-workers and don’t go beyond that. Do not give into temptation by asking her out for a drink after work or you would end up starting what you cannot finish.

7. Your friend’s ex. If you value your friendship with your friend, avoid dating his ex. Word will go around your circle of friends and it will do no good to your reputation. Besides, it could strain your relationship. Also, the lady might be trying to get back at him through you. Avoid being used.

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Ten Tips to Manage Anger and Reduce Conflict in Relationships

Conflict and disagreement are inevitable in relationships. Anger is a natural emotion, and disagreements can be healthy sign of difference. Conflict usually occurs because certain needs are not being met – either within the relationship or outside or it. The object of conflict management is to ask for those needs to be met in a way that does not damage your relationship.

Here are some tips that may be useful to manage anger and reduce conflict in relationships.

1. TAKE TIME-OUTS. Disagreements are best dealt with when both parties are in a non-aroused state. Whenever possible, take a time-out to calm your body down. Techniques include breathing, relaxation & visualisation (see separate self-help guide). Strong emotions of anger, grief or anxiety do not make it easy for us to access our rational faculties and so there is little benefit of trying to address disagreements in this condition – it often just escalates into insults and unintentional dagger-throwing. Both of you should respect each other’s need for a time-out; it’s not running away from the issue, but preparing yourself to deal with it in more receptive mode.

2. REFLECT INTERNALLY. Check in on yourself and ask yourself what you think the issue is about. Ask yourself what part you are playing in this – are you misinterpreting what your partner has said? Are you in a bad mood from something else? Are you being reasonable here? Ask yourself if you think it is an issue that is important enough to stand your ground on – can you let this go without resentment or do you need to ask your partner for something? Sometimes we argue out of habit and because it connects us (even though it is negative, at least we both get attention). Ask yourself whether you really need to take up this issue. If so, think about what exactly you need to ask for.

3. EXPLAIN. Avoid presuming that your partner should know what is wrong. Empathy is an elusive concept – it is nearly impossible for another person to truly know what you are experiencing and to give you what you want. It useful if you can ask for what you need.

4. TAKE PERSPECTIVE. There is sometimes great temptation to elevate the stakes in an argument. Threats and ultimatums are damaging to the ego and chip away at the whole of the relationship. Thus, try and keep the argument to the specific issue rather than make the whole relationship at risk. Avoid ‘if you do this one more time…’ ‘I can’t take this any more, I’m leaving’… Each of you should know that however unpleasant this disagreement is, it will not touch the relationship. If the relationship is to end, it should be decided separately to a heated argument.

5. TRY TO PERSONALIZE. The conversation is best approached from a personal angle, rather than blaming your partner. If your partner hears criticism he/she will want to defend himself/herself rather than address the issue. Try and use ‘I feel…’, ‘It hurts me when…’, ‘I would really like it if…’, rather than ‘you make me feel…’, ‘when you do that….’. Try also to avoid generalization such as ‘you always do that..’, ‘you never think…’ – it is certainly hurtful and is usually inaccurate.

6. OWN UP TO MISTAKES. It is not a weakness to accept that you have acted out of line. Owning up to faults and mistakes is helpful to both parties, so long as it is not done out of martyrdom or for manipulative effect. Apologising early can save a lot of unnecessary conflict.

7. INCLUDE SOMETHING POSITIVE. When putting your point across, it brings good results if you can refer to something positive as well. The discussion is unlikely to be rosy, but if you can draw on aspects that you do like, it will make your partner less tense and combative. Putting across negative points in a humorous way can also work. Humour doesn’t mean your partner is trivialising the issue, rather it makes it easier for him/her to confront an issue.

8. FOCUS ON THE PRESENT. By clinging to the painful memory of a past event (no matter how distressing it was) you are impeded from living in the present. You are entitled to a period of grieving and are allowed to make your needs clear to your partner.  Long-held resentment will tarnish a relationship. Try not to use past events as ammunition. Even though it might be a recurring issue, the current disagreement should address the here and now.

9. AIM TO BE HAPPY, NOT TO BE RIGHT. The purpose of approaching conflict is to get to maximum results for both of you. When you argue to win (by point-scoring), the gain is short-term and mostly leaves you feeling worse. When you argue to ask for your needs to be met, it is still unpleasant, but you are working to building better conditions for both of you.

10. AGREE TO DISAGREE. You are entitled to ask your partner to help meet your needs, but you are not in the business of getting your partner to come around to seeing the world as you do. It is fruitless to try to convert them to your philosophy of life. Differences should be embraced – including different sets of interests and activities. Finally, it is not up to your partner to fulfil all of your needs, they also have to be met internally and with other people (family, friends).
Source:Harley Therapy And  Conselling

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