Are you in a toxic relationship? Would you know if you were?
What are the most common, telltale signs of a toxic relationship? You might answer with "You spend more time fighting than enjoying each other," but that's not the only sign of a toxic relationship. Here are nine more:
1. Hostility. Is your significant other hostile toward you? Are they angry a lot of the time? If you feel you are living with a lot of tension, feeling stressed and not able to express yourself the way you want, your relationship is not healthy for you. You want to feel the safety and security to express your authentic self.
2. Criticism and contempt. Does your significant other criticize or demean you? Are you on edge much of the time because you feel that you can't please your partner or do anything right? Do they make fun of you or criticize you in public, in front of friends or family? Do they act superior towards you or mock you? These are all warning signs of an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship.
3. Avoidance. Do they avoid you? Maybe they give double messages that make you feel confused (e.g. saying "Of course I love you" while not behaving in a loving manner). When they don't want to be physically affectionate, you end up feeling rejected. Meanwhile, they complain that you are too needy.
4. Rigidity. Is your partner open to being influenced by you? Are they self-reflective? When you express how you feel and ask for what you want, do they listen and make an effort to meet your needs? If they refuse to acknowledge that your feelings and needs are important, and refuse to go to counseling, you may be stuck in a toxic relationship. Then you need to ask yourself, "What do I need to do for myself to be happy and satisfied with my life?"
5. Name calling. Also known as "dirty fighting," name calling is a definite sign of toxicity in a relationship. Attempting to hurt someone with words is not the way to resolve conflict or communicate hurt feelings. Problems usually escalate quickly when name-calling is present and it makes it especially difficult to create intimacy and connection in the relationship.
6. You aren't yourself. Do you change your likes, dislikes or opinions when you're with your partner? Feeling like you can't be yourself and adjusting to please for fear of retaliation can be a sign of a toxic relationship. It's important to be able to express yourself honestly in your relationship for authentic love to grow.
7. They're more like an over-inolved parent. He/she decides your career, who you hang out with. When they act like an over-involved parent, they choose which friends stay, which ones go and what kind of clothes you should wear. You've learned from past experiences that your thoughts and opinions do not matter to him and if you express them, you will regret it later on.
8. They are kings of guilt trips. They have a certain knack for making you feel guilty and indebted to him. You feel obligated to give in to whatever they want, especially when they remind you of that thoughtful gesture they've done for you lately. When every gesture comes with strings attached, it might be time to cut the cord.
9. He/she's your secret lover ... but not in a good way. Your family and friends don't like the way they treat you. Since they are more likely to give unsolicited relationship advice, you're afraid that what they have to say may be the truth. So, you tend to avoid talking about them, bringing them around, or involving them in any way with your friends and family.
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